And welcome to part 2 of my One Man, No Brain Mock Draft! If
your weren’t aware that this was part 2, then I recommend you close it and find
part 1 now, otherwise this will make little or no sense and you will be wasting
your own and my time. If you have already read part 1, crack on!
7. ADRZ
Mike Evans, Marshawn Lynch, Isaiah Crowell, Allen Robinson,
Marcus Mariota, Ty Montgomery, Adrian Peterson, Cardinals DEF
This roster is constructed for the red zone, Coach Wells is going
big for high upside TD scorers. Showing faith in his former player, Lynch, and
veteran, Peterson, to regain their glory days alongside some high octane OFFs
and a dual threat QB, ADRZ look to maintain their strong showing in recent
seasons.
My Rank: 4th
8. Patistan
Melvin Gordon, Michael Thomas, Demaryius Thomas, Jordan
Reed, Bilal Powell, Broncos DEF, Texans DEF, Tevin Coleman
After his hot start last season, Coach Allen will be looking
for Gordon to pave the way again. With solid WRs, a high upside TE and an awful
lot of sacks on DEF, this team will be dangerous. Without any bench RBs or WRs
so far however, this team isn’t as deep as those ranked above it.
My Rank: 5th
9. Cash 4 Gould
Ezekiel Elliot, Dez Bryant, Joe Mixon, Matt Ryan, Cam
Newton, Frank Gore, Kirk Cousins, Derek Carr
Where do I start? Coach Gardner preached of how he was to
prove his doubters wrong in his sophomore year, well no one anticipated this.
Ignoring suspensions or rookie concerns, the team started with huge upside (and
a very low floor), and then drafted 4 QBs, yes 4. Could this be an incredible
gambit to abuse the new waiver system and prey on QB-needy trade partners? All
geniuses are misunderstood, but so are all lunatics.
My Rank: 12th
10. IKSAN
DeMarco Murray, Jordan Howard, Travis Kelce, CJ Anderson,
Tyler Eifert, Chiefs DEF, Dan Bailey, Cairo Santos
Either someone has hacked Coach Sherwood’s spreadsheets, or
he has decided that the zero RB strategy is now too mainstream and that zero WR
is the way forwards. Whatever the reason, the result is a poorly constructed
team with gaping holes. The strong (and available) RB core saves them from the
wooden spoon.
My Rank: 11th
11. The Dream Team
Devonta Freeman, Jordy Nelson, Carlos Hyde, Drew Brees,
Emmanuel Sanders, Mark Ingram, Mike Gillislee, Martavis Bryant
This is more like it! A balanced and well-constructed roster
loaded with high floor players in the early rounds and high upside plays in
Bryant and Gillislee later on. In fact, this team is almost too safe to be
drafted by Coach Nathwani, perhaps it is the difference between runner up and
champion?
My Rank: 1st
12. Tanky McTankface
AJ Green, Jay Ajayi, Terrelle Pryor, Alshon Jeffery, Julian
Edelman, Davante Adams, Stephon Diggs, DeSean Jackson
This draft was going very well for Coach Merritt, and then
he drafted Edelman. A lengthy bout of mocking from the rest of the present
coaches clearly dashed any confidence built in the earlier rounds as WR after
WR was drafted to try and atone for the mistake. The result is that the very
first Tanky McTankface team resembles most Tuckfards teams that went before it,
no one understands it.
My Rank: 8th
So there we have it: The Dream Team finally claim their
first title, IKSAN leave us wondering whether they really did deserve that name
change, we witness the most spectacular sophomore slump since RGIII and Tanky
McTankface surprise absolutely no one by providing some very Tuckfard-like
draft day head-scratchers. If the season pans out half as well as this, it will
be one to remember!
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